Leo's Birth Story

Wednesday night December 13th 2017 was the night I would be induced. Due to autoimmune and major anxiety we decided 40 weeks was long enough. I was having contractions on my own before I was induced. I was put on petocin with no epidural because I hated my last one.

I was awake all night having contractions, all morning, bouncing on a ball, ninja kicking around my room, dancing, trying to do whatever I could to help my body relax and let this baby out. But after 22 hours of contractions on full petocin I had made ZERO progress and was still at a 1cm like I had been at 38 weeks. I had been awake for 31 hours, exhausted and so hungry. Although a VBAC was the plan I opted to have a c-section while little Leo was still healthy and it could be planned not an emergency.

I have to be honest I was a little relieved when I knew I wouldn't have to keep going for another day of contractions and pushing a baby out. So they booked the OR and we knew we would be meeting our boy rather shortly! A year ago I had been diagnosed with PTSD - something I never thought was possible to have unless you went off to war. But after seeing two doctors was officially diagnosed with it. I had been going to therapy weekly for a year to prepare for this day!! I wasn't expecting it to hit me as hard as it did. The second I was moved onto that narrow surgical table with all the round silver lights glaring down on me it hit me. I felt like the last 2 years flashes quickly across my mind, all the miscarriages, painful procedures, multiple surgeries. The heart ache associated with each one made me panicked. Trying to not hyperventilate. They put up the blue drape and I felt like I couldn't breath, I wanted to throw up. I felt emotional and panicked. My anesthesiologist was so thoughtful and asked me what my favorite music was - so he put on Ingrid Michaelson to help me feel more calm. He gave me 3 different meds to try and help the nausea go away, and eventually I ended up needing oxygen. The photos are out of order but the photo right under Leo of me alone on the table was me hearing his cry for the first time. Once I knew he was born into this world safely all my panic melted away, they brought Leo to me and removed my oxygen mask. My breathing went back to normal and I just cried as I held the most amazing miracle. For over a year we wondered if we would ever be able to have another baby. We had no clue if it was possible, or at what lengths we would have to go through to get another baby here. It took multiple specialist, contact monitoring, expensive treatments to keep me pregnant but it happened. I was finally holding in my arms the baby we had fought so incredibly hard for. He was perfect and healthy!