The Start of our IVF Journey

I feel strongly about sharing my IVF journey with whoever needs it. It can be a lonely time, confusing time, and wow it's overwhelming. For me I don't know anyone personally who is doing the same thing we have done, but I do have a friend that did IVF last year and I basically talk her ear off and ask a million questions. Today started off normal I knew I would be checking in with the clinic and today they asked me to come in, so we rushed off last minute across Utah county to go get a slew of things checked. 7 viles of blood, urine test (which Mae shook the cup splattering us all super gross fertility appointment with a 3 year old are not the easiest), and an ultra sound which I was super nervous to find the results of... Sitting in the ultrasound room on the same bed I first heard Mae's heart beat. I was crying because the whole flash back was so emotional and reminded me of how sweet the moment will be again when we can hear a healthy baby inside me. Mae sitting next to me saying this is where we see babies in mummy's tummy - she still remembers the last pregnancy she got to come see the baby before I miscarried. Back to my ultrasound... No cysts!! After 3 months of having a large cysts halting our progress it is finally gone. They also found more endometriosis growing over my left ovary which isn't the worst thing in the world but it showed that it has grown much more intense over the last year. It's a good thing we are starting IVF now before it gets even worse. So starting IVF/ICSI/PGS what does that even mean? Today my body told it was ready so we start birth control to suppress my ovaries and regulate my hormones. Next week we get the officially go ahead once Taylor and I's blood work comes back showing normal hormones and that we are healthy. So I will be on birth control for a couple weeks. Beginning January I get more blood work done and another vaginal ultra sound to double check things are looking good. Then they will overnight my injections to me - about 3 injections a day, I will go in every 48 hours to be monitored by more blood work and more vaginal ultrasounds. Roughly 10 days into injections and meds I should be plump with eggs, 20-40. Having 5 eggs is rather painful for me having done injections in the past so I can't image how awesome 20-40 eggs feels - yikes! Then I will go under for surgery to have them removed. This is done with a LONG large needles, they will go through my uterus and straight into my ovaries where they vacuum up all the eggs from both ovaries. Probably spend a couple days in bed after this. Then they will take Taylors DNA *wink wink* and pick the best of the best and insert 1 into every egg fertilizing it. Then they will grow the embryos into blastocysts for 5 days. At this point which ever embryos survive will be frozen. Cut into and chromosomes extracted and sent off to a special lab to be tested - here they will count everything and ensure it has the proper cells and DNA to become a healthy baby. Each embryo will get a grade determining the which ones are the most viable. Then we will pick a winner! By this time it will be mid/end February and we will finally put this little embryo-baby (as we like to call them) into me. Then we wait to find out if I stay pregnant into March. All the other embryo-babies with stay frozen waiting to be used again if the first doesn't take or for our next baby. Our doctor doesn't think we will have many and that most won't even make it this far so maybe 2 out of 20 will survive but we hope we can save and freeze at least a few healthy babies. Phew! Thats a long process, lots of needles, surgeries, doctors appointments, and emotions. If this doesn't work or we don't get enough eggs then we will start the whole process over again. Praying that doesn't happen though. So here I am scheduling babysitting for so many appointments, feeling quite honestly shocked we made it to this point. Even when we were raising money, saving, planning for IVF we kept thinking... this won't actually happen right? Somehow we will finally get pregnant and this will all have been just a close call. But here I am - excited, confused, happy, upset, terrified to even be pregnant and loose another baby yet even more terrified of never carrying a child again. I haven't been able to stop crying all day. My heart hurts but I know that if we can get a healthy baby from this it will be so worth it and holy moly is this baby loved by so many already. Sharing such an emotional and private part of our lives publicly is harder then I make it seam. I try to be so open because I know it can bless someones lives, and help other people realize what infertility is all about so you can be a little more aware when it happens to you, or it happens to a friend. So please please be kind with us, I am sharing in hopes people don't judge and if you do keep it to yourself please.